Yesterday, whilst listening to "Let it be" I tearfully wrote emails to Jenn and Mandy, the latter being one that says that she loves me very much. I said that I would no longer pester them with my continued presence as all I have caused is pain. I even told Mandy "You should never have known me. Then maybe your life wouldn't have taken such a turn. I'm sorry."

I feel that I may have done something wrong, but believe because my dark depressed mind is telling me that they hate me with every fiber of their body. They have not sent responses even though I did not say 'don't contact me' I only said they 'shouldn't'. Either my suspicions are true and they hate me and don't care, they took it to heart and will never contact me again or their busy. I'm leaning more towards option one but am not sure. I had a good day today and even if I had not sent those emails I would still think they hated me. It's a vicious cycle and either way I hate myself. The Prozac increase hasn't done much even if it's only been three days. My mood lability is better and most likely the product of stress. My doc was right; I am depressed. I have "Philip Depression" according to him. I would not recommend it.

Apparently textbooks are just wastes of space in my case. I bet in a lot of others too. Whatever...