Hello waterbuggy: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

You didn't mention whether or not you're seeing a therapist. If not, I think your concerns are ones you need to take up with a mental health professional... either a psychologist or a mental health therapist. I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't tell you whether or not you need to be concerned you've become a pedophile. I'd say chances are what you're dealing with has more to do with the effects of the trauma you yourself experienced, along with (possibly) what is referred to as Pedophilia OCD. But that's just a guess on my part. You really need to be talking about this with a mental health professional.

Here are links to 2 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of at least some small bit of help:

Am I a Monster? Common Features of Pedophilia OCD

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.