I never started wearing makeup when I was young. Just never got into the habit. I tried, once, when I was about 15. It was the eighties, blue eyeshadow was all the rage, so I wore it. My best friend took me aside and told me oh-so-delicately that I wasn't supposed to be putting it on the inside of my eyes, next to my nose. That's not eyeshadow, I said, those are just my veins showing through my pale skin. I wondered how many other classmates thought I had put on clown makeup that day, and decided, screw it, I'd rather sleep fifteen minutes later every day anyway.

As an adult, I wear very subtle makeup for job interviews (Lord please don't make me have to do those ever again) and sometimes on first or second dates. Maybe if meeting a paramour's parents. Funerals or weddings. Maybe.