When you were young and working on having your own identity, others kept picking on you and that affected your sense of self. So you have been trying to prove you can be better than others. Yet, you have built up walls at the same time because you never want to be hurt by being vulnerable again like you were hurt when you were younger.

The problem with needing to constantly be better than is that it never really fixes that deep vulnerable part in you that you are always protecting. That part that wanted to connect and be accepted but for some reason was shunned and bullied or encouraged to "feel" inadequate in some way.

This other guy that is not as successful as you but shows a contentment and can attract women is someone that makes you jealous. That's because there is a very deep part of you that wanted that years ago.

At one point you "came out" here and said "I am NPD, and I am that bad guy". But that's not true, instead you are that "deeply hurt guy" that got hurt and did not deserve it and did not know how to stop it from happening. You protect your deep narcissistic injury because you HATE being vulnerable. It makes you ANGRY and you use that to fuel you to go forward. Anger fills someone with adreneline and they can become somewhat addicted to tapping onto that anger so they get filled with adreneline.