Quote:
Originally Posted by chihirochild
I'm excited for this date with geneticist guy tonight. He wants to cook me dinner and watch a scary movie (I have a thing on my dating profile about being too much of a wimp to watch scary movies alone), so I googled "scary movies that aren't too scary" and suggested Little Evil, which is on Netflix. It's supposed to be funny, and I hope it's not too scary--I really am a huge wimp when it comes to horror films 
I am nervous about the issue of, um, SIM card shopping. T is always on about the idea that I get physically involved with guys too soon and that this tendency prevents me from having time to suss out the guy's true intentions towards me before I get all emotionally hooked. I dunno if T is right or not (or if he's just a prude/overprotective)... but regardless, I don't feel ready to get all up in geneticist guy's business just yet, and I'm worried that "let me cook you dinner and watch a scary movie with you" is code for something else entirely. I'll have to tell him I want to take things slowly, I guess? I'm never really sure how to frame that particular concept. Like, I'm not Amish or anything, and I consider myself a sex-positive person, but just like... yes, but not yet? |
It's difficult to say whether it's "code" or not. It's been like 15 years since I was in the dating world, but I definitely had guys invite me over to cook/watch a movie, and they clearly didn't expect anything (like didn't put on moves, etc.). One guy even invited me to spend the night, and I assumed things were going to head in a certain direction (and wanted them to--we'd been dating for a bit)--but then apparently, he just meant for me to sleep on the couch (???).
I'd maybe say something relatively early on in the date about wanting to take things slowly. I mean, I wouldn't be like, "I hope you aren't expecting sex tonight," because then he might be offended if you just assumed he was. But "slowly" is generic enough that he should get the point. Or just see how it's going, and if he seems to be putting on the moves, then say something.
As to your T, I could see him being both a prude/old-fashioned and overprotective regarding his thoughts on when to get intimate. And I also don't think that being intimate with someone early means the end of the relationship. Granted, I knew him beforehand as a coworker, but I spent the night with my H (and not on the couch!) on our second date.
I think so much of it is about the guy and what he's looking for, not what you do. If a guy just wants something casual, more of a friends with benefits vs. a relationship, then it's not going to matter what you do or don't do. (Or if he just wants a hookup, but you've seen this guy a few times now, so if he was looking for just a one-time hookup, he's doing it wrong!)
Whatever happens, hope it goes well!