I am not sure how much this applies to you since I don't always follow your posts simply because there would be so much to read (I try to only spend a little time at PC a day in order to accomplish other things)--so I apologize if this advice is off base.

I feel like I was codependent (trauma-bonded? I used to put up with him yelling at me but he stopped when I began being more assertive ie--"You can't talk to me like that"; etc.) and I would allow my emotions to be effected too much by others emotions (my entire family was guilt tripping me and I bought into it all) but have learned to feel more detached when I listen to others describing their unhappiness (I don't make myself feel responsible for others happiness--we can only successfully manage our own emotions--we can't manage others and our partners should not try to control ours either). IMO, trauma bonding involves two people, unfortunately, some people, like children, are not in a position where they can extricate themselves, but in my case, I was able to fix the situation with my husband by standing up for myself combined being both more accepting of him and more emotionally detached. None of us are going to agree with others all of the time. We are all different and there is nothing wrong with that. Though I am still married, I am not saying whether or not you should stay married but if you can work on your emotional boundaries so that you can feel more emotionally detached from your husband than perhaps it would be easier to make the next move because you will feel less helpless?