View Single Post
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
 
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,297 (SuperPoster!)
6
3,699 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 06, 2020 at 10:16 AM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I don’t know much about trauma bonding but I know it’s normal to miss someone even if they weren’t right people or didn’t even treat us right. It’s normal to get used to people and miss them when they are gone.

Obviously he wasn’t always bad, no one is. I think it’s also important to remember it happened very recently and it’s not like you are suffering for years on end. It just ended plus he comes over constantly which is disturbing.

I think it’s also hard because our activities are limited due to covid, you aren’t currently working and there’s not much to do outside of the house. In my state even restaurants dining in aren’t open. Can’t even go sit in a coffee shop. So it contributes to loneliness.

In addition it seems that you attached yourself to him might be a bit much Imho as forgoing your own interests and hobbies , making his friends yours and spending most if not all your free time with him- not generally advisable. That contributes to feeling like your whole world crushed because he quickly became your whole world.

Missing someone also comes and goes in waves. It could get intense at times. But pain eventually ends (not the same when someone passes away, I meant ending a relationship). I’d be surprised if you didn’t miss him. It’s normal.

You just have to give it time and no one said it’s easy. It never is. But it always gets better. That’s just how it works.

All valid points! TY.

My missing him in fact is a part of the trauma bond, as I've been learning about it. It's an addiction to the good feelings they give you, coupled with emotional turmoil and trouble.

But yes, I did make him the center of my world and I did give up activities that were important to me for his sake. I will return to those activities and will rebuild my life... without him in it.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
divine1966, RoxanneToto