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Old Dec 06, 2020, 11:13 AM
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Have Hope Have Hope is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,731
Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
You decided to end the marriage. Steps have been taken as he has moved out. His trying to show up to plead to keep the marriage is probably done by everyone who doesn’t also want to end it. To have these conflicted feelings you have are also very ‘normal’.

If it turns into a back and forth where you take him back and throw him out over and over (I’m guilty of this), it is truly a toxic relationship. Yet, everything can improve with effort and understanding, if both work at it and want it to. It’s a personal decision. I’m not suggesting you stay or go. I hate to compare myself, it’s so hard not to do.
Correction: I do not have conflicted feelings over leaving him. I have conflicted feelings because I am trauma bonded to him and to the good times we had. I want to break that bond now so that I can fully detach myself emotionally from him, heal and move forward.

I would never take him back. It's unequivocally over for me. It's a very toxic relationship, and no amount of therapy would fix the problems. I see this as a fact, not just an opinion. He has completely broken all trust I had in him. He is very abusive, and I refuse to remain with an abuser. He is not only an abuser, but he is a highly manipulative narcissist. Narcs rarely can be treated. So there is NO hope and I am completely DONE with him. I know this for certain. So, I will be proceeding with a divorce.
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