I can sympathise. I still shut off, when I'm having therapy. My therapist says "were you about to say something" I say "I was thinking about changing the subject", and he usually helps me get to the thing I am avoiding thinking about. It's a bit of a maze...so many things trigger different memories and feelings.
I would be honest about your physical pain as much as possible. The doctors should be aware of what hurts, where possible. I hope things do start feeling better for you.
Shiatsu was painful for me (I've gone once or twice a month for a year). The more I explained the pain, my practitioner was able to unlock my shoulders (it was a long process because I had been locked up since I was a child). Had a hip flexor injury that caused pain for ten + years and that's healed properly in the last year, also back pain...loads of pain really that I don't like to show/admit to either haha...Wouldn't want anyone knowing our weaknesses! Wouldn't have considered a massage before that, had only ever had a facial, then I trained to give massage last year, and it totally changed my life for the better. Haven't been able to do it since March, but...bla bla bla off topic.

Hope you get a break with this, somehow, anyway