Let me start by saying hello to everyone again, it's wonderful to be able to come back to this helpful site.

In the six years we have been married, my husband has never been there for me, not emotionally or when I have needed physical help. He is very self centered, insensitive and incosiderate, and it stems directly from his upbringing. I am a giver, a "fixer", and extremely independent, so it's always very hard for me to ask for help of any kind. I have Endometriosis (which has progressed in the last few years to the point where I need a hysterectomy) , have had three really tough pregnancies (I am in week 34 of my third now), and have had miscarriages and a terrifying car accident. As tough as I am, I have needed to lean on him more than a few times. He's left me hanging every time, alone to deal with things on my own, and it's getting to the point where I question why I bother staying married to him.

This pregnancy has been rough, I'm having gallbladder, potassium and contraction issues. We have no family here, and what few friends we have made have all moved away in the last year. Our boys are 4 and 2, I am a stay at home Mom, my husband is in the restaurant business, which means his days are long. I willingly gave up my career to be home with my family, and I love it, but my health has made it tough at times.

This beautiful little girl in my womb is giving her momma a really hard time, I'm one more incident away from being put on bed rest, and we could really use some physical help around the house. I'm not comfortable hiring a stranger for only a few weeks. My Mom has been an angel whenever she can, and would be here in a heartbeat, but she is way up in Canada and other family obligations make it impossible for her to get down her to help me for a few months. My husbands parents, who are also 2000 miles away, can't see passed the end of their own noses long enough to come and help their son. His Dad got laid off three weeks ago (they would not be destitute if he came to help for a while - my Mom even offered to pay him!), but even though my husband swallowed his pride and almost begged for help, they said No.

This has been the case his whole life. His parents are very selfish people, who put their needs before their children needs. That being said, his two younger brothers have been spoiled to the point that they are almost incapable of looking after themselves. My husband's mother is very materialistic, and his dad is very passive in letting her do whatever she wants with their money. They bail the other sons out constantly, both monetarily and time wise, but the few times my hubby has asked for any sort of support, he's been turned down. My husband moved as far away as he could get, glad to get away. I have gotten the feeling that my mother in law punishes my husband for moving so far away from her. And when it comes to our children, out of sight is out of mind - never any calls from their Grandma and Grandpa to see how they're doing, no presents at Easter or other "kid friendly" holidays, just a check for birthdays and Christmas. My husband's irresponsible, lazy, brother's son however, has all but been raised by the two of them, they take care of him all the time. With these two people as examples his whole life, I can see how my husband has become selfish and self centered, but as an adult I believe he chooses the way he behaves and treats other people. And let me tell you, it's prett ysad when a husband shows more consideration to the people who work for him than he shows his own wife.

He does no housework. The weeds in the backyard are waist high. The pool is a swamp. He'll start laundry once in a while, but I have to finish it. I do the grocery shopping, load the dishwasher, and cook most of the meals. He stays up until all hours, playing video games, or working on the new business venture he's started. He sleeps until 10:00 or 10:30 everyday, and only sets an alarm when he has to go in to work first thing in the morning (once a month maybe). And you know what, I probably wouldn't give a damn and do everything myself, if I wasn't struggling physically. I have asked him for help a thousand times!

Whenever we've been through a tough time in our marriage, my husband turned into himself. He never communicates, and every "conversation" we have is actually a long monologue by me, met by silence. I finally spit at him this morning that I wish just once he would consider my needs before his own, and all he brings into this marriage is a paycheck. But he was so upset that he was running late, all I got wass a "sorry", he even forgot to say good-bye to me! He always apologizes for his behavior, says he's a lousy husband, talks a great game about how much he loves me and I deserve better, but his actions remain the same. I'm sick of hearing "I'm sorry", the words are hollow.

So, after this long winded post, let me ask you this: how can I get my husband to learn how to be considerate and unselfish? Is it even possible at this point? How can someone who is a great father (and he really is, I couldn't ask for better) be such a lousy husband?

Any and all input is always greatly appreciated, and more helpful than you know! Thank you for listening.