Welcome to Psych Central, Trying to heal. I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort and support for you.

Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

My best wishes to you and your family...