It's been a traumatic year. Like many people this year has been nothing but bad news.

Our situation up to yesterday was - Our bunny that was like our son died suddenly and unexpectedly in October. That grief has been ongoing and debilitating. We currently have 4 weeks to find somewhere to live (have been trying for 6 months, so will have to rent. All of my free time is packing). We live overseas away from our family that if they get COVID will likely die or be debilitated, so that hangs over my head.

Before our boy's death I was already starting to have breakdowns. Other things have happened since then but we've been kicking their butts (though it's exhausting and anxiety laden to have to tackle even those we get through). We're seeing therapists, reaching out to friends and online forums, talking between my partner and I, and reading and processing - as you do.

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This morning I got the message this morning that my best friend of 20 years died. She disappeared from my and many other people's lives a year ago. I don't know how she died, I don't know who knows she is gone.

So now, I sit here in shock. It hasn't hit, so I'm trying to get my ducks in a row for when it does and I am a bigger mess than yesterday.

How do I tell friends of ours? Do I tell them? I do not think many know. I don't know how to start that conversation. None of us have talked for a while, and I don't know the cause of death.

How do I talk to my friend's family who were the ones to tell me? I'm in such grief right now from our other family losses, how do I offer support when I'm running on empty? How do I even begin to offer condolences or grieve with them - I was their child's closest friend for a very long time, but that relationship has been quiet, and I didn't know their family in the past few years like I used to.

Can anyone recommend any resources to read or personal experiences to share when someone didn't tell you they were sick? Someone still very young who pulled away rather than tell anyone?

Thank you. I'm already exhausted to the point of not being able to function by early evening. Any resources trying to understand this kind of grief, rather than me frantically searching when the shock wears off and I'm unable.