So I'm in an intensive therapy program that I've been in for almost exactly 1.3 years. The program is supposed to be temporary until you're ready to move to something less intensive. For the last month or two, the team has started pushing the idea of closing out services but there's only one issue about this, I'm in the worst place in my life that I've ever been in. That says a lot since I've been through some really rough things.

In the last month alone the SWAT team was called out to our house and one brother was kicked out and another brother was taken to jail on assault with a deadly weapon and resisting arrest charges. I won't go into details cause I know it'd be triggering for some folks on here about the sheer amount of police force used was horrifying. A few days later my dad out into an almost fatal car accident where his truck flipped off a hill and was totaled. He had to be medi-flighted to the hospital and he's having to try to hope that insurance will take care of the $53'000 dollar bill or he'll be bankrupt. Then a few days later I had to undergo surgery and fell into a post-op depression. Then we found out that my grandparents aren't doing well, my grandpa has lost 50 lbs and my grandma's cognitive health is regressing, we don't think they have much longer.

I've been struggling to cope with this all and my thoughts have not been bright, my mood low, and my eating disorder worse than ever.

Am I really so horrible for not thinking now is the time to cancel my mental health services? I swear, sometimes it seems like the team implies I'm greedy for keeping them so long.