My family member Mark is in the last phases of life. He probably has days to maybe weeks left. Christmas is a long shot and if he makes it that long it doesn't seem likely he'll be alert. He's already sleeping most of the day. I spent 3 hours Saturday and Sunday with him, just sitting on the couch reading because he is scared if he wakes up alone. Hospice is coming in now. He has a hospital bed which I think it a great thing for him. He also has pain medication that I wish he'd had months ago. It makes his breathing easier and obviously relieves his pain. So far it's pretty peaceful.

It's also really hard. I was up all night last night just thinking about what is happening. I cried through my therapy appointment. I feel so bad for my therapist; he lost his father a year ago and now is stuck trying to help me through losing mine (not biological). I know it has to be hard.

I'm still waiting for my breast center appointment. It's obnoxious; they sent a letter the day after my follow-up mammogram and ultrasound about how important follow-up was and that ignoring it could be dangerous and then they make it so I can't follow-up. I've contacted my family doctor and asked if I can do anything to try to get the process going. I just want to have this over. It's probably fine but it's scary and I want it over with.

So I'm tired and stressed and sad. My sweet Abbycat isn't leaving my side. She stayed awake most of the night with me and is now snuggled up to my knee, just in case I need her. I do, right where she is and right now.

Tomorrow is another day with Mark and my book. I may try to fill out Christmas cards there tomorrow if I can figure out a way to write neatly (as neatly as I write that is) while on the couch.

This is so hard.