I was in an 8 year relationship with my wife. We had two kids with autism, Isaac (8yo) and Jeremiah (4yo). Both my kids are non-verbal but my oldest is the most severe. The years were really hard on us especially with our oldest son who had lots of behavioral problems... Both my wife and I have very little family involved with the kids... Honestly I could write a book about all the horrible things we experienced as autism parents, especially when it came to family which is unfortunate. I deeply loved my wife and fought for our family for so long... But after our second son was diagnosed she mentally checked out... Things slowly got worse and worse... to the point were she became abusive to not only me, but my sons as well. Finally one day i asked her if she wanted to get separated and she said "That sounds amazing" Those last couple months with her were so sad... I tried so hard to let her know how much i loved and appreciated her but it just didnt mean anything anymore coming for me... and with the abuse, i had to leave, for me and my kids. After the divorce she really abandoned the mom life... She didnt want to see my oldest on her weekends with him, she didnt want any kind of custody of my oldest and only wanted to see my youngest ( He has high functioning autism and is easier to care for) She's even told me in person, and I quote! "I wish i never had kids, I was never meant to be a mom." And now she's having lots of casual relationships with a lot of men. Shes always excited to tell me about the new guy shes seeing, not sure why... I think shes on her 6th guy now? This last weekend i couldnt watch Jeremiah for her, on her day with him, and she got really upset and said "youre a worthless piece of **** and you should kill yourself" I just sat there speechless and all i said was " Jessica, all i do is take care of our kids, everyday" she walked off and never apologized. It just hurts that she doesnt care... She doesnt care about me, im worthless to her. I really dont know what to do anymore. Im trying really hard to combat the loneliness by going for walks or talking to my dad... but it just kills me... I talk to my son even though he cant say anything... i cry a lot around him and he likes touching my tears ( he loves water. ) I even tried talking to this girl I really liked and she started coming around. She was a girl from my past and we had some history together. She was telling me she loved me ( which isnt a word you really go throwing around in your 30s..) But then she started acting weird... She would make plans with me and my son and then bail on us without any word from her... Eventually she stopped talking to me completely... I was pretty upset, but i know its not the answer to my loneliness. Its so hard being a single dad with 2 non verbal children, I wish i could have real conversations with them, and not just me venting to my kids while they play with my tears lol... Im feeling like im losing hope, strength, the will to go on. I dont know what to do anymore and find myself staring at the wall most days... I have no friends anymore... They either got filtered out or I lost touch cause of the marriage/kids. Making new friends in your 30s is impossible it seems... and all the people I know are either starting careers or families... So, i guess i come her in search of any kind of wisdom you can bestow upon me. What can I do to just feel, okay... to get some ground underneath my feet again... anything helps at this point.