i, too, have difficulties imagining what it may Be. i agree about consulting a therapist or professional figure to Better examine these Feelings You're experiencing. May it be depression or something like that? Do You have any specific diagnosis at the Moment? Sorry i am not much helpful, just wanted to Better UnderstAnd what You're going through. SEnding many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @Alive99, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!