i am so Sorry for what You've experienced, wolf! It seems like You have developed some sort of trauma from ALL of this? Hopefully You'll be able to manage it And keep it Under Control. Are You currently seeing a therapist? Perhaps that may Help as Well! SEnding many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @wolftrap, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!