i, too, have difficulties imagining what it may Be. i agree about consulting a therapist or professional figure to Better examine these Feelings You're experiencing. May it be depression or something like that? Do You have any specific diagnosis at the Moment? Sorry i am not much helpful, just wanted to Better UnderstAnd what You're going through. SEnding many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!