It's 2 am again and my head is so so loud and my soul is so so broken. The nightmares are much worse lately and I feel like I'm drowning in all this filth of my past. I hate feeling like this and I wish it would all just stop feeling so bad. When it's like this and nothing seems bright anymore I wish I could just have an answer to why it is that I'm so doomed to feel so bad. I wish there was a miracle drug to make it all go away and a "format" button in my head to wipe away all the bad data.

But there aren't any answers, no miracle drugs and no format buttons... it's only me in this space which seems to suck the light and life from my perception. There's only me and my aspirations of getting better. I am fighting so hard but sometimes I wonder why I fight so hard when giving up seems more logical and more attractive.

I will fight on and I will try harder, even though every fiber of me screams to just let go. I will fight as hard as I can because in another house not far from me are my two little angels who I would hurt so badly if I stop fighting. I only pray I have the strength to fight for another day, another hour, another minute. God give me strength for another minute