Quote:
Originally Posted by Trying to heal
Hi there,
I may be way off base here, but I am struggling with emotional identification as well. I sort of get the kind of feeling you're describing especially when I might enjoy the task, but it becomes repetitive or I don't get recognition for what I've done as I also put my all into doing something. So it's important that it feels important and worth while to me.
I have discovered that I usually go through a feeling of rebelliousness (where I say the **** u part, which normally indicates that I'm feeling kind of like the task isn't seen as all that important by others. As in they palm it off to me and even though I might enjoy the task for a time I get peeved that it's not really that important. ( I don't know if I'm describing it right, but it kind of comes close I guess. Like there's an element of frustration and anger as well as feeling under appreciated?... kind of?)
The other emotion I feel is if I've done it really well and no-one even notices, which makes me feel like I did something wrong or I'm guilty of something and that triggers more self-hatred etc.
I hope this maybe helped a bit? If I'm completely wrong, I'm really very sorry and I'll try be better at this next time. I just wanted to help
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Thanks to you too. The thing is it's definitely tasks where you do need some discipline to start. But I actually like doing them when I can be free of this feeling. It's a lot like, you need a little discipline too to go do your workout/training too. But then it feels good while you are doing it. And afterwards too ofc.
You mention being underappreciated, I definitely feel like no one, NO ONE thinks of me during the day to pay attention to me much.
I actually don't mind repetitive tasks...less load on my overloaded brain. And they have a calming effect too.
The above poster mentioned it may be a mix of feelings too, well, I said it's not feeling overwhelmed but overwhelm also probably triggers it like, I'm used to feeling overwhelmed pretty often so.... It's like this feeling doesn't trust me that I'll spare myself from overwhelm in future. Lol.
And then you mention you like doing a task if you feel it's important and worthwhile to you. I can't say I am doing my dream job currently but that on its own shouldn't be a problem, I get enjoyment out of it alright. That is, when I can do it without being incredibly slow and feeling crappy.
I once read something about how a guy was seen putting bricks together to build a house (as a construction worker or whatever, IIRC), and they were working pretty slow and grumpy. They were working purely to survive. And .... OK wait. I've just found the quote and will copypaste it.
"A long time ago, a man was making bricks from mud. He looked rather bored, lifeless, and tired. He was asked, “What are you doing?”
He said, “I am making bricks from mud.”
Another man was doing the same thing but he looked much more energetic. He was asked, “What are you doing?”
He said, “I am making the best bricks from mud.”
Another man was doing the same thing but he looked even more energetic and was excited. He was asked, “What are you doing?”
He said, “I am making the best bricks from mud to earn more money to get married one day.”
Another man was doing the same thing but he looked even more energetic and excited, with a smile that radiated happiness and
fulfillment. He was asked, “What are you doing?”
He said, “I am supporting the happiness of my wife and family by earning more money by making the best bricks from mud.”"
.....................SO true.
(No I'm not a man but I relate)
So it's obviously like I lost all meaning in my life or whatever and then sometimes when I can get past that I am like the 2nd guy and that's fine for me now, I'd like to also be like the 3rd guy ofc but for now, I'd be fine with being the 2nd one consistently and not just when I get lucky.