I know how it feels to feel defeated when there are so many things out of your control, including your own actions. When depression takes over, it makes everything more difficult, more draining, more painful and life starts to feel less valuable. But you are worth the extra effort and in your own time, you will find new routines that work for you.

Your new routines may include limiting conversations that are draining for you. Your husband's feelings are important but not more important than your own. A healthy relationship does need understanding and compassion, but those needs to come from both involved. No matter what has happened in the past, there is no need to create blame on either side. The two of you will either make a decision to move passed it or you need more time.

There are consequences for our actions, but often people are willing to show compassion and understanding. Even if something you said or did had a negative impact, your positive actions could have a greater impact. You shouldn't blame yourself or your disorder. I've found that my disorder has been effective in helping me cope with life, but finding healthier coping methods may be in order. The more you practice these methods the more secure you will feel and you will have more control in mending your relationships.