Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags
Thank you for sharing how you felt about your mom's BD. That information is invaluable to me  .
I'm thinking that another therapist could be truly helpful for you. I've been working with my therapist for over 2 years, and yesterday the strangest thing happened. I actually thought of you afterwards because you're having a hard time with your new diagnosis.
While my therapist was leading me through a relaxation meditation, out of nowhere a thought and feeling came together and I had an extremely strong, solid sense - for the first time in my life - of accepting my bipolar disorder. I mean truly accepting it as a part of who "I" am. I felt that suddenly I don't need to fight against it, I don't need to feel ashamed of it, I don't need to constantly question it (which I have found so draining). The feeling was astounding! I was thinking, WOW, where did THAT come from?! But it's stayed and stuck and I feel that that aspect of my struggle is finally at peace.
In my experience, therapy can do that. You might be working on one issue, but in the meantime your subconscious mind is churning away and suddenly bang! An insight hits you that changes your life, that heals a wound.
So what I'm trying to say is that I bet therapy could help you with feeling less uprooted by your new diagnosis. I believe that if you feel accepting of yourself, and you know you're being the best you possible, and you can forgive yourself - essentially, you have confidence in you as you are - loved ones will naturally have respect for you. Or, if not, you'll still know you're doing your best with your own life. |
Thank you Beth. Do you meet them in person or virtual? I may decide to get one again... right now I’m good to just get through the day, I can’t think of adding much of anything else to my schedule. But I’m sure it could be helpful.
That’s cool that you thought of me. I hope one day I can accept all of it. I think I’m still in the shock, anger, and sadness part of it. I just still don’t understand why it happened to me and I don’t think it’s fair. I hate that it ruined my family and that I hurt my husband. I feel like I had too much fun and deserve consequences but at the same time know that it wasn’t in my control so why won’t he forgive me? He also read that my actions were what I really felt inside and I don’t know that’s 100% true. When I think back to how we were before this I know some things made me unhappy but I never thought I’d leave him... and even in the beginning of the mania I felt super in love with him.... but when he got concerned I confused it with control and that’s why I started the divorce process and told him to leave. But when I think now about how I feel, I want him, and I want to stay together and make it work. I get that he’s scared and thinks I’m going to do it again, and I can’t promise anything because I’ve got this illness.... so it sucks!!! I wish I could say it won’t happen again. I hope it doesn’t. I told him I was going to stay on my meds and get help.... but I don’t know if it’s enough.
I know time is the only thing that will help us.... I’m just so sad about everything....