I'll add. It's kind of like... if I see someone (or more than one person, I don't know) takes the obligation on that they check in for me/check on me then I am able to do the same for them and do what I need done. I don't know, that's just how I'd feel they do care and then I'd feel I do exist in the actual world. This is really actually hazy for me beyond this but I think it's something like this. What I want is this, not have to do it all alone. What the obstacle is, I have not found anyone willing to take that obligation on for me or whatever it is, if not an obligation, I don't "need" them to feel all this crazy never-ending love for me or be my "sole supporter" or blah blah blah. I know people do not like to feel like that they "need" to provide that. I'd just like to get a basic life going for now and then I can focus on relationships too. Thanks.

Edit: and I'm also fine with it if they need some help too from me in turn. I can also try and work together with someone who has the same goal of establishing a basic life. Get up in the morning, dress up and then do some job for a living (not full time for me for now) and then do whatever else one may fancy if not too tired and there is still time left in the day before sleeping at night. That's it for now.