Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags
I have bipolar disorder. Without meds my life would be out of control in many ways. The environment has a certain amount of influence upon my moods and emotions. The thing is, I'm so extremely hyper-sensitive to internal and external stimuli that whatever is going on in my environment is fuel for the fire. I can be in a "perfect" environment and still have intense reactions, and episodes.
It like this...if someone has epilepsy, regardless of the environment seizures will happen if the person is unmedicated. Meds are far from perfect, but for people with a mental illness they are a blessing.
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The thing is, I'm so extremely hyper-sensitive to internal and external stimuli that whatever is going on in my environment is fuel for the fire.——
^ Yes, this is the essence of the dilemma. There are really only a few people who are the button pressers for me. They are extremely difficult people in how they press my buttons. But I am so sensitive to it that I can’t handle it. They are ‘toxic’ but the way I handle it is toxic too. It looks like a disorder as I am exhibiting some traits.
Is it the underlying traits that is the cause which needs medication to diffuse, or is it the extremely annoying treatment from those few people that cause a traits reaction from anger, frustration, hurt?
For example: One psychiatrist said to me, “You probably never would have been happy with anybody!”
That got me spinning and it still grinds me...What if she’s right???
The meds do seem to be helping a bit, but not as much to solve this problem of how my emotions cope with the button pressing few people.
I never had big issues across the board with many people or things. I am an underachiever and will get out of doing things I don’t want to. But when I want to, I excel.
Also, breaking up with boyfriends wasn’t too hard for me. This marriage spans half my life and we are tied it countless ways. Plus, we do love each other.