First my husband tried to tell me I might have it and I didn’t believe him. Then after leaving him and going to my sisters house, I told her I wasn’t getting sleep and upset about my marriage. She gave me some weed to help put me to sleep and instead it sent me into psychosis bad. So bad she had me hospitalized. When I was there I blamed my sister for giving me the weed. They diagnosed me with bipolar but I kept thinking it was bad weed and then I was so happy when I got out and was taking care of so much... I even filed for divorce believing that’s what I wanted. I stopped taking meds because I knew I didn’t have bipolar.... but 2 months later I fell into a depression..... so I figured I had to have it and realized that I wasn’t happy, it was just a mood. My world came crashing down. Everything I thought that was getting better was just in my imagination. The world seems so different now, like I’m wearing a whole new set of glasses I don’t even get happiness anymore... is it even real? I hate this illness. I don’t wish it on anyone. I fight everyday to be stable and sure I go to work and take care of my child and try to repair my marriage.... but I don’t feel the same. It’s like my soul has been removed. I don’t even know what stable is supposed to feel like. I mean I function so is that stable? I’m teaching and grading and I can focus enough to do it.... it’s just that I have no passion or desire anymore. Joy doesn’t exist. The only time I smile or laugh is with my baby and I worry that if my husband and I officially split I will have to share custody something I never ever ever wanted to do but because of this stupid illness that is what may end up happening.... so yes it ruined my life plans. I feel like it ruined who I am.... I don’t even like taking pictures anymore and that was always my biggest joy since I was 10 years old..... and I read about how so many people with bp have problems with their meds for years, so what do I have to look forward to? I don’t want to be a pharmaceutical experiment. I’m trying one at a time and waiting to see. I tried a couple extra and they didn’t do anything so I’m just sticking to one. Maybe one day there will be a cure for this, God I hope. I don’t wish this on anyone!