Yes, you shared this challenge here in this forum. Yes, this is upsetting to see happen in a friend. And the fact that she always calls you when she has been drinking shows how when she drinks she doesn't really care about the needs of others, instead she is most likely at a stage of inebriation where everything needs to revolve around her. This is why addiction in someone has symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder. It IS heartbreaking!!

No one sets out to have this challenge. The person finds out how alcohol not only reduces their inhibitions, but also helps them feel good because alcohol increases dopamine production in the brain. The problem is that the more often someone consumes alcohol to chase this dopamine high, the more alcohol it takes to obtain that high. And also what the person fails to realize is that alcohol damages and reduces the brain's serotonin levels. Lack of serotonin causes depression and irritability. The other thing alcohol does is the more a person consumes the more the alcohol affects the person's frontal lobe where the person makes conscious decisions about what they say and do.

Your friend calls you while intoxicated because your friend has relationship problems that causes her discomfort. The problem with your friend is that she doesn't have the awareness that her addiction is the ROOT of the relationship problem in the first place. Your friend BELIEVES that the alcohol helps her cope, she doesn't RECOGNIZE that the alcohol IS THE PROBLEM.

You are working very hard on your own sobriety. It IS A LOT OF WORK to learn how to live your life SOBER. You want to care about your friend but the truth @hopeless2015, is that you need to focus on YOURSELF. What you need is the support from others that understand and RESPECT this challenge you are dealing with and do not expect you to give something you can't give where you instead need to stay focused on helping yourself. And the problem with your helping this friend when she calls you under the influence is all you are actually doing is ENABLING her. And even becoming a codependent.

Your friend is living her life under the umbrella of addiction and she is COGNITIVELY DISTORTING because of that addiction. You are not able to actually help her and I know that's sad. That is the upsetting aspect of this disease.

@hopeless2015, do not allow yourself to feed into guilt feelings. I know that is a challenge but you cannot help this individual. This individual HAS TO face the fact that she has a problem with alcohol and the only way she can get into a healthier direction in her life is to FACE this challenge and finally choose to do something about it.