OK. It's like I can temporarily resolve their issue and tell myself some reasoning to move on...or "move on". Because the day, my life remains a struggle, a crazy struggle. Because clearly I haven't moved on fully. So I have to fight the stuff I push aside by trying to move on with some reasoning that works temporarily. Then it adds stress and then I keep burning out more and more by trying to just lead a basic life (part-time remote work). It doesn't help I'm alone working from home

I do get better but VERY slowly and sometimes I am really really not sure if I am not just slowly getting worse or something. Like my training got worse and worse and NOT better... and I don't have the energy reserve anymore to reach to if I want to do as much work as before... It's abysmally little I can do without that. : o I used to just do that and then rest&sleep a lot afterwards. I can't anymore, that's what I mean by burnout and I can't push myself without external help anymore. Like I feel more acutely depressed or unhappy or whatever it is, than ever before (but I did block out emotions more before!! It's just scary and dunno how I'm supposed to survive this full contact with all of them)