Greetings, all! I'm a 35 year old woman. I started dating my 42 year old boyfriend back in July of this year. I have struggled with lyme disease for several years, it attacked my lungs, and I just recently moved to be with my Mom during the covid crisis. My boyfriend's Mom also has lyme and he is living with her along with his younger brother. I am a very family oriented person! Being empathetic and having worked in caregiving myself, I initially thought that him being a caregiver for his unwell mother was nothing short of endearing (I still think it is) but some things have cropped up that are making me feel... well, pretty uncomfortable:

1) He's often late and having to sacrifice time spent with me because he has to help his Mom with basic things around the house (Having lyme disease myself, and having the caregiver gene, I completely understand how this goes)! But it's gotten to the point where others are noticing his absence with me while he tends to his Mom. One night, he didn't come over for dinner until 9 pm without so much as even a phonecall telling me he would be late for dinner! He usually arrives around 6. I guess his Mom was having some sort of an unexpected crisis at the house and he needed to help her, stat. So (and I never do this... I always wait for company) but out of sheer hunger I said "F it" and ate dinner by 8 pm! Not knowing if he was coming or going or what...

2) He also expressed utter frustration one day after not getting to sleep the prior night until 2 in the morning because his mother sporadically decided to take a shower in the dead of night, on a work night. He was forced to be awake incase she took a fall. He had to be up at 4:30 am for work that day, too. Being up at 2 for a sporadic shower when he also has to wake for work by 4:30 am... very odd timing for a shower in my opinion! Only leaving him about 2 1/2 hours of sleep. No wonder the guy was frustrated. It just rubbed me the wrong way. It kind of seemed like a very inconsiderate thing to do...

3) The other weekend he began texting me a little less. I sent a cheerful text/remark like "Oh hey love! There you are!" after he greeted me one day. And he apologized for not getting back to me sooner. To which I said "No problem!" He then went into further detail and said that his Mom was limiting him and his brother's "screen times" on their phone's and it was getting a little more difficult for him to stay in touch with me. He said he could only text me when she wasn't around. Again, this wouldn't be a problem if he were maybe say.... 5 years old. But a 42 year old man should be able to gauge his own screen times AND chat/stay in touch with his girlfriend over the telephone if he so chooses. Just my opinion. I immediately became a little suspicious that maybe she was doing this on purpose out of a bit of jealousy or insecurity to try and gain the upper hand over how much he was talking to me. Call it just a very strong gut feeling. Or just Control. Control. Control..

4) He mentioned his Mom hasn't liked ANY of his girlfriends in the past. Not a single ONE. She thought they were totally insane. This felt incredibly "red flaggy" to me and made me super nervous to meet her. However, upon meeting her, she actually seems quite nice and apparently she absolutely loves me. *breath of relief*.

Well, at least she loves me... for now! But for how long? I wonder! I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and I've only met her once. I'm curious what kind of situation I might be wandering into. I was wondering if anyone with similar experience can offer their best opinions/advice on this? I love this guy sooooo very much! He is so self sacrificing, such a well-rounded individual, so easy to love. Just a Saint of a man. But it sounds like his Mom is very aware of this and %100 takes advantage of it and milks it for all it's worth!!! Even to the point of totally exhausting him and not sharing him with others. I get the feeling she wants all of his energy, basically for herself. I would like to stay with him but I'm just wondering if there might be a "gentler" way to bring up this issue with him if it becomes an even bigger issue in the future? Little nervous about this situation. All outside views and opinions are welcome here. Thank you kindly to anyone who has taken the time to read.