I also realize a serious problem I have - every time I've exited from a toxic or abusive relationship, I have tried hard to get that person to take ownership of their hurtful actions that broke up the relationship. I hammer it into them about what a s-h-i-t-ba-g they are and how they've wronged me. And what do I get out of that effort except for weak apologies, no apology, and no real ownership. I get denial and deflection of responsibility. So what's the point? There is none, except that I have this deep need to confront and let them have it. I don't get it.

Bashing him - or continuing to bash him - will not get me what I want from him. I DO want his TVs, his coffee maker, the silverware he left and the vacuum cleaner - all of these things cost money to replace - money I do NOT have. I've got to play nice from now on - OR at least polite.