It hurts that it did not work out - it's incredibly SAD. And I am taking out all of my pain and anger ON HIM. Rightfully so, given what he did and has done - but it's time to pack up that bag, seal it and let it float somewhere else, and away from me.

Time to just face the fact that it did not work out and that it's a painful ending to a relationship. It's a loss - of something I desperately wanted in my life - a lifelong partnership. It's a loss of love. It's the death of love. And the love I got is not the kind of love I want and need. It was unhealthy love.

BUT, love CAN be reborn in another. Perhaps there IS hope for someone else to come along. Perhaps I WILL find love again… and next time, with someone more worthy of my heart, my energy and my life.

Perhaps I am coming to a greater place of acceptance, yet I feel the deep sadness of it all. He has been my companion after all for the last three years.

And I don't want to live in regret. I told him I regretted ever meeting him, ever giving him a chance, and that I regretted marrying him. The bottom line is: it's a tremendous disappointment. I am disappointed in HIM as a person, and I am disappointed in myself for not listening to my GUT early on.

But like I wrote above, I really don't want to live in regret. It's wasted energy and all it does is produce sadness over one's life choices. I made the choice to marry him, in knowing beforehand that he's abusive. I wanted to give it a chance. And I did - and it proved to me that yes, he's abusive and yes, I must leave him.