Breathe.....
i did get some "body tattoo pens" that i now use when i want to harm. i draw things out on my legs... someitmes i press hard on the pens and it causes some of the same feelings. then they wash off after a few days.

You've not cut on a lot of days. and 78 days is quite an accomplishment. come to think of it, i'm at 26 days myself.
thinking of you..... kiya