Well those are very good questions. I didn't even know what to say at first, I had a blank mind but I also had a strong sense of ...uhm, yeah, something about maybe like an apology. It didn't feel like it's exactly like about an apology. But something like that somehow. And I'm coming back to this now. And yeah I think it's clearer now....maybe.... I don't necessarily need it handed to me from them but, it would sure help in some ideal world LOL

So what I'd like is if they told me what they really were doing. What they really wanted from me. Admit to their manipulations, and yeah, well that is the apology part Iguess. But I really just want that sense of closure mentally too and I'm not even sure they can give that to me if they are not self-aware enough and I doubt they are.

With the guy (romantic relationship one), I don't want anything from them otherwise.... The girl, I doubt I would want anything.... IDK I don't want to feel like it's a salvageable relationship.

Anyway. When I first read your post, and had that strong sense of "something like an apology". I actually started imagining this, I imagined that I contact them (even though otherwise that's out of the question), and I ask them what they can tell me, do they feel like apologising or like being more honest and open with me finally.... Like... yeah, I would ask them if they are finally able to hold themselves accountable. Because they never could before.

...

As for confrontation. Yes, essentially that too... in an actually effective way unlike back then. Damn, I remember now. What I imagined exactly. I imagined that I confront them and even if they try to attack me personally and in underhanded ways or dramatic ****** ways like back then, I would be able to not get affected whatsoever. I got terribly affected back then .... But oh, this confrontation here. I THINK I imagined it as actually effective. And it was so strange that I'd actually retry doing confrontation after years passed. And how it would surprise them too, lol. But that is where it "felt" kinda cathartic in the imagination (imagined catharsis, I did not feel it unfortunately)

I read somewhere that traumatic experiences need completion (a so-called "biological completion" perhaps). This felt like that completion, somehow. Where it's all released.

(So yeah, the connection that pulls me back, it's based in trauma too, not cool eh? Really complex)