Well it's been an interesting bloody day! We had a staff briefing this morning at 9:00am and the principal told us as of 14 December the ex assistant principal has officially resigned from the department of education and said he can't say anything further than that. HALLE-BLOODY-LUJAH! I've been through 6 months of hell because of this guy. It just brought back so many unwanted memories. Irony is that on 14 December I woke up from a nightmare that he was just standing in my office and had come back to work and nobody told me he had returned. It was such an unsettling feeling.

My mood actually shot up quite high this morning after hearing that it made me a bit nervous. Someone in my office was like gees are you on meds because I was bouncing around. It was the best news ever but it came at a bitter sweet price of my sanity. So obviously he was found guilty and is just jumping out like a scapegoat. What an idiot. We ended the day with a staff function at a pub to farewell staff who are leaving at the end of the year and moving on to other schools. I wasn't going to go because I'm really not a socialite. I lost a lot of friends when I had my 2015 psychotic episode.

I divorced February 2016. My marriage just couldn't withstand it. I have a (nearly) 21 year old son, a 17 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. My 2 year old is with my partner now. We're not married and to be honest I don't think I'd ever remarry. Been there and got burnt. So unfortunately both my ex husband and my partner have seen me psychotic. I don't think my partner now knows what hit him because he's never seen anything like it.

We had a coordinators meeting with the other assistant principal that I sent the text message to and I think you're right. I don't think they think about it like I do but I think about it way too much. It's a recurring nightmare that gets stuck on repeat in my mind. But I was thinking about it the whole meeting and no I couldn't make eye contact. I'm thinking of buying him a box of chocolates and a card and just saying thanks for putting up with my craziness this year and I'm sorry I got weird. I don't know what else to say really.

If I get 5 hours sleep then I'm definitely hypo! And that's what usually makes me manic. I'm on a mood stabiliser - lamotrigine - and I've just recently stopped my antipsychotics about a week ago without my pdoc knowing. Thing is, I've only ever been on antipsychotics when I had my manic episode in 2015 for a few months and now this year when I derailed. I sleep 8-9 hours a night so I know I'm on the road to recovery even though my mood is not completely stable, it's getting there.

Oh I've been to a psych ward in 2015 for 3 days. And HOW I landed up there is completely another story but I was utterly delusional and apparently there were people chasing me ... sigh ... delusions of persecution or something. The worst thing after a psychotic episode is looking back and thinking OMG did I actually say that / think that?! I've had religious delusions too in the past where I think I'm receiving special messages from God. I can lol about it now because that's just something I know and fortunately I didn't run around sending out youtube videos about it. Grrrr. And yes I absolutely hated the psych ward too. Couldn't wait to get out and those 3 days were way too long.

You should chill out over the break too. Sometimes we just need it. And I really feel like I need it so I might just leave my work laptop at work but I'm worried about it getting stolen in my office or something. We do occasionally have vandalism occurring and my luck they'd take it. I usually hide it behind my desk under my chair.

Depression sucks and here's wishing you a soft landing and speedy recovery. It's hard to do things when we're depressed but it's important to take care of ourselves and try and maintain as much of a normal routine as possible. Which I'm sure you know and it's easier said than done but really important for our mental health. I find buying gifts really hard and I don't enjoy spending the money.

We're meeting up with my partner's folks on Christmas day and his brother and wife will be there too. My 21 year old and 17 year old will be with my ex husband. I found my son's second birthday this year quite challenging. I was actually quite down a few days before and after. It's occasions like that where I really miss my family being around. His folks are quite elderly. They were here on his birthday but I was just thinking 10 years down the line they might not be around and then who will be here to celebrate my son's occasions? What if my daughter emigrates overseas? And my eldest son is barely here he's either studying at university or working. And as I said previously I think I don't have a close circle of friends anymore. I used to. But honestly now I'm lucky if I get a text message on my birthday from just one person.

Still can't believe we're the same age!

What are your plans over Christmas? Are you still married or are you divorced?