My Support Forums - View Single Post - cancelled plans

sarahsweets · Dec 17, 2020, 05:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lizardlady

OE, you jumped to a ton of conclusions here, many of them wrong. That comment from me about being angry with my abusive husband for dying before I could leave is not a grievance I carry around. It was something I felt in my grief. I don't still carry it around.

As for my friend and grievances, maybe I chose the wrong word. She gets pissed off, never gives anyone any idea what she's pissed about and stays angry, letting it fester. Then the way its supposed to go is that the other person is supposed to figure out what they did and apologize. I decided to stop playing that game several years ago.

I have no idea why you think her "grievances" are due to someone violating her boundaries. The reality is she gets her panties in a know over something but won't acknowledge what she's pissed about. Recently she ignored her cat for two days to "teach him a lesson" because he did something that's normal for cats to do.

The whole point of my original post was about what happened over thee weekend made me feel. It wasn't about her, her boundaries, her whatever. May I respectfully request you drop this whole line of defending her?

My original point was that after the fact I had the same emotional reaction I did to abuse in the past. It made me see that her behavior was abusive. Devine, you are right, it doesn't matter what happened in a person's life that lead to them being abusive. The behavior is not acceptable. This friend told me not so long ago that it is okay to make everyone around you miserable if you are having a bad day or are unhappy. I strongly disagree. If I'm having a bad day I don't have the right to rain on everyone else's parade.

As for my comment that I wondered if I was being passive-aggressive because I want to step back before I say something to her. That's not passive aggressive behavior. I give myself credit for stopping to examine why I want to step back. The whole point of PA behavior is to be aggressive. I'm not. As I said, I'm doing it to give myself a chance to heal/recover. She sent me a text earlier today with a pic of her cat. I responded.

Oh *heck* this whole thing has turned into my friend and is she depressed, poor baby. Crap, this feels like part of the abuse cycle too. I'm the bad guy for not understanding she's depressed, hurt, overwhelmed, whatever. I'm ready to ask mods to pull the whold damned thread.

I just wanted to say that your friends issues have nothing to do imo with her being a rude inconsiderate friend. She’s choosing to do Christmas with her neighbor. Personally she can f**k off after that nonsense. You are totally in the right on this one. Who cares what her depression is or motivations are. It’s sh***y of her. Plain and simple. You are not wrong and I’m sorry some people in this thread decided to analysis your friends issues when all you wanted was support.