Quote:
Originally Posted by lizardlady
This is likely to be long. I'm likely to come back and add to the whole thig as I think this through. Some times I do my best thinking out loud talking to someone or writing it out.
I have a friendship I am beginning to have doubts about. This person and I have known each other since junior high. We're both mid-60s now. This person has a history of cancelling out on things at the last minute. She also has a history of being pissed about something, but refusing to admit she's angry. She sulks when she's angry.
We usually spend Christmas holidays at her place when her brother and sister-in-law come from out of state for the holidays. She lives in the same state as me, but about 150 miles away. Back in a couple of months she told me that she didn't know if brother and sil were coming. The state they live in requires residents to quarantine for 14 days if they go out of state. SIL would not be able to work if she quarantined. I said I was uncomfortable being around people from out of state myself because of Covid. When I talked to her at Thanksgiving she still didn't know if they could come or not. I'd done some research and the county I live in has more Covid cases than their entire state. I told her that whether they could come or not I'd come up and fix Christmas dinner.
Then the last couple of weeks she didn't answer my phone calls or reply to most of my texts. In the baaack of my mind I thought she must be ticked about something, but had no idea what.
I finally got her on the phone Saturday. She was distant. Then she's telling me that she was talking to the woman who lives across the street from her and told her she didn't have any plans to Christmas so they are going to get together that day. WTF!?!?!? I reminded her that I said I would come up and fix dinner. She told me she wants to skip Christmas. Her exact words were "F it." Turns out her bother and SIL are not coming because of Covid and work.
So she is going to spend Christmas with her new friend who lives across the street and Liz gets to... well I'll sorting out what I'm going to do.
I'm finally getting to the point of this post. I was hurt and angry by what she said. I thought about calling her back and trying to talk about it. When I was afraid to try and talk to her about it I realized it felt like a repeat of the abuse cycle. I'm walking on eggshells so I don't piss her off and have to pay the consequences. I've given myself a few days to process it and I still feel the same. I'm wondering if I even want to try to save the relationship. She's been this way the whole time I've known her. Something would upset her and she would refuse to talk or participate in things to "punish" the offender.
I imagine she is disappointed that her brother and SIL are not coming down. Covid has screwed up plans for a lot of us. I was looking forward to seeing people not related to my work. The only people I've seen other than co-workers and clients since Covid hit are strangers at the grocery store. So because she doesn't get things the way she wants Christmas gets cancelled.
I'm hurt and I'm angry. Yeah, Covid's forced plans to be changed by everyone. I'm sick to death of "making lemonade" because something got cancelled or had to be done differently because of the damned virus. Having a temper tantrum is not going to change that.
Bless you if you made it this far. This thing turned into a book. Sorry.
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I'm so sorry about that. I've had people do that to me. I've had friends in the past claim that they are not doing anything or don't have plans even though me and them are planning on hanging out or even in the process of hanging out. Its makes me question the friendship and I've learned that it usually means they don't see me as a friend. It sounds like this friend doesn't feel that close. Still, she shouldn't disrespect you like that and you should confront her. I know that is hard, I try to avoid confrontation as much as possible but sometimes it needs to be done. I've had people in the past play mind games like that where they are angry but won't tell you why. It comes off as manipulative.