Thanks for your post/your trying to help. But I feel something went awry here.



I would like to be clear then if it was not clear in my initial post.... I cut them off, BOTH of them, YEARS ago. I cut off the first one *3 years* ago, the second one *2 years* ago.

Hope this emphasis helps.

Additionally, I don't think it was at all clear to you that I am just writing out my thoughts and feelings on here. Though I assumed it would be clear as this is a psychology forum that I assume people use exactly for that. But let me clarify that too then if it was not clear.

Above, I was writing out my thoughts and feelings, not an action plan. I was writing about these to be able to think more and orient myself better, both emotionally and mentally. I found the above questions for that very good actually as it prompted me to think and feel more about it all and hopefully in a way that helps me get somewhere eventually.

Also... when I said I'm not able to move on I define that as, the past always pulling me back somehow. Though the last few days have been good, but I am wary and afraid that it will happen again, or something. I just don't want to go so deep in it again.

(Though, I have already learned that I cannot forever push down emotions, because they will come back at me with a vengeance and pull me back even stronger. So, I try to find some balance there and not just forever try to push them down, even if they are negative, anger, upset, tension, sadness, or even worse emotions....)

To me moving on is NOT simply cutting out the person out of your life, moving on is actually living your life as normal, happy, a full life, etc. all that. I have NOT been able to do that in the last 3 years.

I recently felt that it was about the energy and attention stolen by these people. I wondered if there was something there. I wanted to understand that, to be able to combat it or get past it or move on or whatever. I mean all that purely in the psychological sense.

And that is why I opened this thread.

I don't need to be told that I need to cut off these people because I've already done that. And that on its own was not enough. Or I would not be here. Sadly.

Thanks for reading and understanding my actual situation.



PS: You asked if I see a therapist. I just recently left therapy, i.e. finished it with a therapist after ~1 year of therapy with them (had other therapists too before her), but I am looking to be admitted to a therapy centre for cPTSD. I've just seen the psychiatrist today and I received my referral from them to this place, so I am hoping it will go well. That is where I am now therapy-wise.