@Alive99,

A suggestion is to educate yourself on abusers and toxic people - learn their traits, their tactics and all the various signs of abuse. Learn about it, and once you've completed that step, then read about and educate yourself on HEALING from abuse. This is another way to release the pain of the past from these people, how they have harmed you, and how to move forward a stronger person.

This is what I am currently doing in my life. I am listening to podcasts about abusers and on YouTube. I am also learning about how to heal from abuse as I go along. I have been in a severely abusive marriage, from which I am currently exiting. It was narcissistic abuse that I suffered.

Education is power. Knowledge is power. Trust me - learn as much as you can, teach yourself and heal yourself.

You do not need to return to these people ever again in any way in order to heal and move forward.

The work is on your shoulders - it IS up to us to get out of the state we are in and find ourselves in.

It takes work, time and effort to educate oneself and to heal and empower oneself - but it's well worth the journey.

I am well on my way to recovery after an abusive marriage, and it's all because of the personal and deep work I am doing.