folks.i have truly screwed up...but you mean too much to me to just disappear...I have used the site to escape...escape from the pain...that is a miss use....I care for you all deeply...too deeply and that is the problem..I guess I'm a classic addictive personality lol and i realize that this isn't the answer...i've hidden myself in this site...sought too much comfort...and paid the price...I have to get a grip...for my precious childrens sake...if not for my own...I will return at some point..when I am able to return and not get lost...but oh god..i'm so sorry....thank you all for the laughs, the support, the love....grace