I talked to T today we talked about what I want my legacy to be. Possibly writing my obituary or gravestone or both. Picturing myself as a senior and looking towards the future. How I can help people from home. If I'm safe and when to go to the ER. She's upset I didn't call and it hurt her I "was" that depressed. I didn't tell her I can't sleep because of ghosts. That I'm questioning my lack of faith. She said Miguel will understand about the gifts but not if I wasn't around. Looking back I think I made it seem that those thoughts were connected to the gifts not getting here. Which I think are two separate things. I think lack of sleep and "paranoia" is getting to me. I'm thinking any moment the cops are going to arrest me for fraud of some sort. (I have never committed fraud.) Then there's the ghosts. Then sharp change in religious believe AND being pulled to listening to the bible all day every day. H thinks I'm in a mixed episode. He doesn't even know about the religion stuff or the cops.