I can understand about your friend having to keep silent about the teacher because it would have been a legal issue but omg the fact that she had to transfer schools is nuts. If I didn't enjoy my school then I would have found a new job for sure. Although I almost didn't go back because the shame of it all. I pretty much think they must suspect what happened to me because no one reacts like that. Or like I did. I can understand how your cousin was a trigger. I can almost pinpoint the exact day I actually flipped over manic straight after a panic attack. Was the day I found out the assistant principal had been accused of similar things around 2 years back but there was just no proof there so he carried on teaching or being an assistant principal or whatever the heck he was paid to do. It was like a switch that went off in my brain and there was no return.

Nice that your husband has helped raise your family and that he has kids too. My partner has an 11 year old son from his previous marriage but his ex wife lives overseas back with her family and his son lives with her. He flies over about once a year to go visit.

Yeah my marriage didn't withstand the BP. After my 2015 episode when I resigned, my payout only lasted so long and then I wasn't earning an income. We were forced into selling the house. Barely had money to put on the table for my kids. It was sooo bad I shudder just thinking about it. He was doing a lot of interstate travelling at the time for work and one day he came home and I found condoms in his luggage bag. We hadn't used birth control for years because he had a vasectomy after my daughter was born so that was the end of our marriage. He went on to marry his mistress and they've just had a son together. Basically he lives his life and I live mine. We only communicate when it comes to something we need to communicate regarding the kids otherwise there's not much contact.

My 17 year old daughter has some serious mental health issues. She sees a psychiatrist and a psychologist but no diagnosis as of yet. A month ago I was driving around the streets at 4:00am looking for her because she had decided to run away. Had cops patrolling the streets looking for her too. Eventually found her and she refused to get into the car. Called the ambulance and took her to hospital for overnight observation. She's okay now but just gotta keep my eye on her.

Your partner just sounds scared of being hurt again. It can take a while for him to heal with things you said but it can happen. I don't know how much of a fan I am of marriage counselling to be honest, but it's probably your actions and not your words that will help him moving forward. Just the little things that you can do for him that can help him feel better to remind him that you do still love and care for him. My relationship with my partner is pretty rocky. When I went manic I got very angry and said a lot of hurtful things. It was misdirected anger - I was just angry in general and a lot got taken out on him. He's also had to put up with my daughter and he's having a pretty rough time at work with a boss constantly on his shoulder and trying to nit pick every little thing that he does.

My partner is 'accepting' of the illness but he doesn't understand it. I told him 3 months into us dating that this is what I've got and that this is what can happen. But he didn't get the magnitude of it until I had a completely psychotic episode this year. He didn't know what hit him with the strange things I was doing. When we're manic we tend to do things we normally wouldn't do, like your friend in California and that's a hard one for your partner but he needs to realise we have an illness and we wouldn't wish this on anyone. You weren't yourself and you weren't in your right frame of mind. You are now and I hope he is understanding. Has he ever gone with a session with you to your pdoc? My ex husband went to a session with me to my old psychologist and she was asking him a few questions and it was blatantly obvious to me how little he understood about what I was going through and had been through. It's like he didn't understand anything about BP. I don't think it's that your husband doesn't care I think it's that he doesn't know how to deal with it.

I was also put on lithium back in 2009 when I was first diagnosed. Unfortunately I developed thyroid problems as a side effect so now I can't take it. I'm basically on thyroid meds once a day for the rest of my life. I'm not too concerned. Just one more little pill I have to pop in the morning with my other tablets. When I got depressed I was put on antidepressants but they have to be used soooo carefully in a person with BP because it can flip you into mania very quickly. They can certainly be used, just with observation. I see my pdoc about once a month. I'm not on antidepressants I'm still coming down from my high. I still get moody and irritable so I know I am not quite stable just yet. Not psychotic but not stable. Depression is the pits. It can be hard to maintain a sense of focus or purpose or enjoy just the small things in life like your kids, especially your little one who is so dependent on you. I lost myself during the manic episode and I was barely paying any attention to my son. Thank goodness it was during COVID and my partner was working from home. I still feel bad looking back on it.

I gave the AP the card and the chocolates today. I was seriously in 2 minds last night about doing it. But I gave my principal the same chocolates today and a card too. I don't know that I'll ever get closure but it was the closest I could do to an apology (which is long overdue).

Fortunately in the state that I live in there have been 0 COVID cases for about 2 months now so we are very very lucky. Everything's open and back to normal. A few other states suddenly have figures spiking up with 17 new cases a day so I don't know how long our slate will stay at 0 for. The only place where masks are now mandates are in supermarkets. Which seems a bit silly since no-one in my state actually has covid but I guess it's a preventative measure. Being in lockdown definitely didn't help my mental health. If anything it made it worse. When I was manic I was living in an alternative reality and I think had I been "out there" in the real world my imagination wouldn't have run so wild.

700 tweets in one week that's a record! I'm sure the tweets were fine otherwise someone would have told you to take them down by now. My facebook page tends to get very "motivational" when I'm hypo. I find all sorts of "inspiring" posts to share with the world lol. No I probably get unfriended by a lot of people during my hypo phase on facebook because they probably feel they're getting spammed in their newsfeed.

My ex husband through diet and exercise alone could cure depression. No. It is a chemical imbalance! So whilst exercise certainly can help (I'm lucky if I can walk down the street!) meds definitely have a role to play. He was never a believer in meds, although he did believe my diagnosis. He was a huge reason I came off my meds years ago, and that didn't end well. I'm accepting of the fact that I will need to be on meds for life or suffer a major setback. And I can't afford that. I really have no idea how I didn't land up in a psych ward this year again.

Funny thing is for my son's first year I did all the photo backdrops, had a get together with about 10 of his daycare friends here at my place and really put in such an effort. I cried so much afterwards. And this year was just the worst. It's not that you're not going to be able to do things with your 2 year old like you did with your 21 year old, you will, just when the time is right. And the time just wasn't right this year. And what do kids remember about a 2nd birthday? Nothing. It's good that your husband stepped in. In sickness and in health. You are both there for your kids and that's the main thing that matters. Not materialistic things, they don't want them. Okay maybe just a bit lol but it's us that they need.

My birthday is 18 April.

I'm needing to find a really good series or something on netflix during the holidays otherwise I"m going to be totally bored. We're going to send my son half days to daycare so I need something to do over the holidays. 6 weeks is a long time and we're not going away or anything. How often do you and your husband get together? It's a pity that he doesn't want to move back in. Just try and make those times extra special when you do see him, even though it's really hard right now.

The last thing I feel like is Christmas shopping. The stores are going to be jam packed next week. Ughhhh.

Chat tomorrow and hope you get some rest.