The above deep insight was about the nonromantic one more. I had more bad things coming out about the romantic one this evening after reading something in a book that was a pretty direct trigger. I realised more on what fundamental bad message he "sent" me back then (3 years ago). It was again freeing me some more. And I kinda had a bad day. I almost didn't even get enough sleep waking up too early about the nonromantic one. I did manage to fall asleep again though. And overall I was just kinda low today. But I didn't go hopelessly deep like before, I kept some stability somehow, so that was good... I just felt kinda low but not pulled in deep in the depths of terrible chaos and emotions internally. This is what I've been afraid of, that I'll get pulled in so deep again but I didn't. Maybe this is a change for real.... It's been a week since last time I was pulled in deep. And that's actually a great long time for me, not a record, but if it goes on like this it will be. In 3 years I only had a respite this summer from getting pulled in by the past, and that was only because a big project engaged me (well I did have to recover enough to even be able to take this project) and I just suppressed the emotions anyway, I was instead too easily angry at people, so it wasn't really a real solution, just a temporary break from the past on the surface. So I want to be able to keep going without getting pulled in/back so much. This is why I have this thread.