Your feelings make a lot of sense to me. They injured you deep and it takes as long as it takes to heal.

You mentioned how you try to imagine them apologizing or it playing out differently so you can feel closure. It might be called ruminating. I do this and go over every possibility I can imagine. I think it does help heal combined with having distractions that give you joy.

You said you can’t change am emotional vampire. So, you know to not start up with either of them again, unless it’s possible to be good friends with only one. But, if they are a pair, then I feel for how you lost the both at once. Though, them not being good, healthy, relationships then it’s instead killing two birds with one stone! Good riddance to them!