No, to answer your question, chaotic, I really don't think I'm testing T. Not on any conscious level anyhow. I think, like you said, it's almost a test of myself...can I let myself need someone? Can I let someone care about me and support me? Can I stick this out and do the healing I need to do?

I've spent my WHOLE life (like many of us, I'm sure) making damn sure that I don't *need* anyone. This is a whole new, scary ballgame for me.

I really appreciate everyone's responses to my question...it gave me a lot to think about, and left me confused enough to actually discuss it with T, which is what I needed to do. I feel totally reassured by him that our level of contact is not a problem....well, I feel totally reassured for NOW, anyhow