Lol! Back again too! It’s been really wonderful getting to chat with you! 😊

Oh wow you met him when you were 19?? That’s when I first met my husband but we never dated when I was that age. It was before cell phones and the internet so we lost touch until I was almost 30. We stayed friends for 3 years because he was married and I was dating someone else. After my last breakup he decided to leave his wife and then ask me out. We dated 2 years and then married for 8 years. When I was manic I really thought it was mistake that we had been together... but now I keep thinking if all of the happy times we had. BP unfortunately messes so much up. So if our marriage never recovers at least I’ll have some hope that I can move on. Your ex just couldn’t handle it like I think many people can’t. I’m sorry you had to go through that!

Your daughter is so young to be going through this!! It breaks my heart to hear she is.... she’s too young!! Hopefully they can diagnose her and get her on the right meds. She needs to feel better soon!! What does your ex say about it?

Oh wow so you had prenatal depression? Did they give you anything for it? I never had that or any kind of depression before I had my first manic episode so I really never saw anything coming. Oh to be cured, wouldn’t that be wonderful?? They spend too much money on cancer research and never find a cure.... what about mental illness research? You only ever hear about those studies and pill companies making money.....

Oh no about you grandmother!! That’s so young!! Is your dad still alive? How is he now?
Beyond my mom and my first male cousin, I have no clue where it came from. My maternal grandma is 90. She lost 2 sons, one at the age of 2 and the other in his early 20s to murder plus her sister to murder so those were big enough triggers.... and no signs of mental illness. My grandpa drank a lot but maybe he had something or it was on his side. Even my maternal great grandma lived to be 94. Now cancer runs on my dads side so I have even more fun stuff to look forward to. That’s what I always though I might die from, cancer, not have to deal with a mental illness.

Oh wow, 120 a session is high! That’s good you were able to talk through some stuff with her. I did have a therapist I liked but I also didn’t tell her everything. I was in hypomania and only talked about good stuff or how bad my husband was.... now I feel bad and don’t talk to her anymore.

Omg I hate when someone says to keep it a secret... that’s what we basically had to do as kids. Pretend it didn’t happen and be around the cousin who did it. I found out this year that he got a big spanking from my uncle for it, but my grandma never wanted to believe it and told my mom we may have made it up. Apparently my husband told me I repeated this story every time I drank too much, but honestly I don’t remember!!

Yes my husband did pick up on the clues but he didn’t know how to help me. I think that’s one of the biggest frustrating things for him. How does someone help someone who doesn’t believe they are manic? My mom has had several episodes and never believed she was bipolar... she has only accepted it this year when I told her I was. She didn’t even accept it when I was in the hospital or got home.

My cousin and I talked about how we are great actors when manic, we can pretend and fool people. I think it’s keeping the psychotic things to ourselves. I kept some of it from my husband, he only saw my energy and fast talking... but the dreams and visions I had I didn’t tell him because I was afraid he was going to accuse me of being bipolar.... I even thought bipolar was a made up disorder and didn’t exist!! It wasn’t until I smoked the weed, something I had not done in many many years, that the psychosis was super strong and way worse. I was saying all kinds of stuff and scaring my sister. So she called the police to take me to the psych ward. I was so angry with her for months until I actually realized I have BP. Sad thing is my 2 year old was with me.... I left her there in shock. My husband ended up picking her up and told me that she had no expression on her face. She didn’t even recognize him at first, then finally started crying. She cried for weeks without me while I was in the hospital and CPS wouldn’t let me see her for another month, the. It was supervised visits, some at the police station! It was horrible!!! it’s another reason why now I don’t want to leave her for one day. She just doesn’t understand.

My cousin is also on lithium so I figured it was a good one. Does Lamotrigine have any terrible side effects? I’m going to talk to my dr about it. Yea 3 years isn’t even that long to do damage!! How much lithium were u taking? I take 900mg. They increased it from 600 to see if that would help my depression.

I think it will get easier with the assistant principal. It will take some time. At least you don’t have to see him everyday right? Just in meetings?

My sister only lost her sense of smell so far. No fever. I really think there are different strains. So they shut down everything but the grocery stores wow!! Trump told the states he was leaving it up to them. In Texas they said if it was essential it would be open.... so pretty much everything got labeled essential, including fast food places!! The only thing we do is wear masks, but even at restaurants they let you take off your mask at the table to eat.... they did shut down restaurants at first but that didn’t last long. Maybe a month or less.... even nail salons are open now!

Yea I don’t listen to him. I did at first. He was the friend that was interested in me. When I got out of the hospital he told me to take the meds but then sent me a video about a guy talking about depression and how he does not take meds for it... then encouraged me not to. So I got off them. When I got depressed is when I started taking them again.

Sometimes we know our bodies and if u don’t think you need them, well u might be right. They had me on some too but I don’t take them now and I tried abilify for 2 weeks and stopped taking those. I didn’t see anything positive from them and maybe it was too soon to tell but I didn’t like the side effects of headaches and less sleep.

It’s not too late to take cute kid photos!! I took pictures of my now 21 year old all the time. It really just takes practice at getting better with pictures, and it’s so much easier now that we live in a digital world. I learned how with film cameras!! I am hoping my love for it comes back... yes it could be my relationship issues right now that’s also bringing me down or holding me down.

That’s so crazy we are almost exactly the same age!! Hmm I wonder if our parents were together on almost the same night!! So cool! If I were manic right now my brain would probably say there was some cosmic or God force that brought us together or we were soul twins or something. I don’t know, mania can be more creative or psychotic, depending on how you look at it lol 😂

I used to love horror movies! But now they freak me out sometimes. I can sometimes watch them with other people but never alone! I taught my daughter to not be afraid of them so she can watch them all the time even alone!
Have you ever seen Handmaid tales? That’s a good series, but it’s on Hulu. I like National Lampoons vacation too! My husband actually likes it more than I do though lol! I haven’t heard of Yummy Mummies! I wonder if they showcase different shows depending on location.

Normally I love the time off... but you are right thinking too much does not sound like fun!! And I don’t know how to get busy with anything without thinking unless I’m watching tv but if I do that too much around my husband then he thinks I’m depressed or lazy.... at least he’s working. That sucks about his job and how it’s putting him in a bad mood!! But good you guys were able to walk without an argument. So I’m guessing a pram is a stroller? 😊

So are you seriously considering finding a new school? Is it because of what happened or because of the long drive? Maybe you could stay at least another year till things die down before deciding to find another job. I’m so scared to change schools. I feel like I know how my school works, what if another one is more challenging?

I wish something would work for sleep. I’ve tried syraquil, trazadone, doxipine, and Lunesta. I just don’t want to keep trying if they all do the same. They put me to sleep but only for a few hours and I can do that without pills so what’s the point? Yes I do listen to the mindful meditation and that helps me fall asleep quickly... I just can’t stay asleep so I put it back on when I wake up and usually get a little bit more sleep, last night was about 5 hours maybe 6. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if I actually slept or not!

I hope you had a good first day off! I’m still in bed. My daughter is still sleeping and my husband is in the other room I think making breakfast.... here’s hoping he talks more with me today...

Take care and chat with u later!