Hey you! I think we're writing novels here it's great

I'm busy putting up with a rather moody 2 year old who has refused his afternoon nap. I hope he's not getting sick. He has small dots on his stomach which I hope are from him screaming and not something else. It would be awful if we have to spend Christmas day at home if he's got something contagious. Not that we were really planning much on Christmas day but still. Which reminds me of when I had chickenpox on Christmas day one year. Think I was about 7. I was sooooo sick I barely enjoyed my Christmas that year.

Ha yup when we were 19 it was before cellphones and the internet that's for sure. I still remember my first mobile. A big chunky Nokia where I could play snake. It was amazing at the time but now I'm like hmmm. When I moved out when I was pregnant with my eldest son our landlord lent us their mobile phone incase I went in to labour because my ex husband used to work. It was the size and weight of a brick it was ridiculous!

You're right. BP messes a shyt load up. There are some things that can never be undone but hopefully in time we can heal. Sigh. I actually felt pretty angry today. At first with the news of the assistant principal leaving I was quite happy. Then today I was like screw you it's been 6 months too long he should have resigned / been fired 6 months ago. It cost me my sanity and my reputation. What is, is and I can't change it. But if freaks me out if I ever get psychotic again. Because to me during the episode I was completely "normal".

My ex husband is skeptical about a diagnosis of sort with my daughter. She did smoke dope about 2 months ago (she only told us recently) and that can definitely make someone with underlying mental health issues psychotic. He's open to her being on a mood stabiliser but isn't convinced that this isn't just a teenager thing. She has fallen in to bad company at school where her close circle of friends all seem to have major issues. From what she tells me they're all currently mentally unstable, in the nicest way possible. I found alcohol in her room about a month ago. Came from a close friend of hers. Her friend convinced her older sister to buy it. Let's just say that now said friend is banned from our place. I feel somewhat hypocritical. I was far from an angel teenager. I got up to my fair share of nonsense and gave my parents nightmares lol. They had a very strict curfew with me.

When I had prenatal depression I wasn't put on anything, but they would have considered it if my symptoms didn't improve after she was born. Luckily it resolved itself.

You're right the pharmaceutical companies I reckon make a huge sum of money out of us. One thing I'll say where we are super lucky is that our health care system here is really good. Apart from the fact that my psychologist cost a fortune because she was private and not through the health care system, I have it pretty good compared to the states I think. With my son I had him at 'no cost' with a c-section in hospital with a 4 day stay and my own private room. That's in a government hospital so there were no fancy frills on the curtains or anything lol. I've got private health insurance but I just don't need it. But........ on the other hand, things relative to the states are alot more expensive here - especially housing and cars. You wouldn't even want to know what that all adds up to, it's ludicrous.

I've just had a sneak peek at my son who's fallen fast asleep on the other couch. Awww he looks so cute I almost don't want to pick him up to move him into his cot. We're wanting to get him into a bed over the holidays because I don't think he'll do it that easily. Also need to start with the potty training. I've practically forgotten how all of that works it's been so long!

My dad's still alive but all the years of alcohol have not served him well at all. He's just had surgery for his cataracts but he can't walk at all (physically). They're going to be doing an MRI at some stage, so hopefully there will be some answers. He's also pretty much on alcohol all day. My mother's an enabler. She's the one that buys and supplies. It's sad but it's true. But unfortunately you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. They truly don't have a happy marriage. There's just nothing left but at their age they're not going to divorce.

Wow I can't believe your grandparents are / were such a good age! That's great. That's awful about your grandmother losing so many people. Her 2 year old ... I can't even imagine. My life would never be the same again if anything happened to one of my kids. I worry about cancer too. I smoke. I know....I'm on patches at the moment and cutting down. It's the worst habit I ever picked up. Started at 19 at university for the hell of it. My ex husband smoked for about 2 years as a teenager. Now he's the fittest person on the planet. He runs marathons and competes in triathlons. I couldn't keep up with that. I think that's also partially why he may have strayed in the marriage. His wife does a lot of cycling with him and they share that in common. Although if I talk about health issues on the forefront of my mind is what if I go manic again. I mean I sometimes wonder if I could have lost my job over it. Luckily I didn't do anything that would have caused me to lose my job and I was on work cover. My psychiatrist said to me you can't get fired if you're on work cover. But I don't know if he was just saying that to make me feel better. He certainly knew I was psychotic for a lot longer than I did.

It's strange how people can be in denial over serious issues. Sorry your grandmother turned a blind eye. At least your husband might be a bit more sympathetic towards your needs. Or may have used to have been in the past. No one knows BUT I have a recollection of emailing my principal one of those 3am emails and writing in italics that this entire situation was invading my personal space. Now that feels like a dead giveaway that I may have told him. I mean what else could I have been saying. He must have woken up every morning thinking wtf is she emailing me all of this for. I must be the first person he's dealt with that went so psychotic. I'm sure covid and lockdown had a massive part to play because I couldn't "see" reality and what was out there in the real world. I was just stuck behind a computer screen.

Yeah it's difficult to see when we're manic. When I'm in the hypo "happy" phase it doesn't bother me. But when I went absolutely manic my anxiety felt like it was through the roof and I became uncharacteristically angry at absolutely everything. To the point I could envision banging my head against a wall out of frustration. Fortunately I didn't but it was overwhelming. I'm glad your mother finally accepted it. Is she on meds?

I smoked weed a few times in my very early 20s with my ex and it made me have visual hallucinations. I'm sorry it got to that stage where the police had to take you to hospital. You landed up in a safe place but it sure does suck as to how you got there. I can understand how you would have felt angry. My partner threatened a few times to drive me to the psych ward and I got so angry with him. My pdoc still doesn't know how I got away with not being thrown into a public psych ward. Aww your poor 2 year old. But you know what? It will be a distant memory and nothing that they remember at that age. What's important is that you're healthier, all be it depressed, and you're together. That's all they need. Oh wow I can't believe CPS wouldn't let you see her. That just breaks my heart. When I was in the psych ward in 2015, my kids came to visit me with my ex husband but as they were entering the ward there was a massive punch on and they left. My poor daughter would have wondered what on earth I had gotten myself into. I had said some crazy crazy things to my son and ex husband before I got chucked into a psych ward. I got escorted by police too, by the way. Not one of my finest moments.

I am so used to lamotrigine that I honestly wouldn't know if it has side effects or not. One thing I know is that it is weight neutral. When I had this last episode my psychiatrist put me on zyprexa and my weight shot up dramatically. So I complained and he put me on rexulti to ensure the psychosis stays away. Having dropped the rexulti I lost 2 kg in 2 days by doing absolutely nothing. I always say mind over matter but I put on too much in such a short space of time. Lamotrigine has been pretty weight neutral in my experience. I do miss my cymbalta a lot. That was my anti depressant which can also be prescribed for anxiety but it definitely contributed towards my mania because it shot my mood so high into the roof. My pdoc made me stop it abruptly and I felt soooo sick for days. No other way to describe it other than I felt like I was having "brain zaps". I can't remember how much lithium I was taking but around 900mg doesn't sound far off the dose I was on.

With the assistant principal who I made a total ***** out of myself, he's my direct line manager. I'm a Year 7 coordinator (basically deal with kids when they're sent out of class) but have to deal with him with the more serious cases like suspensions etc, which happens quite a bit at my school, relatively speaking. I mean the kids are pretty good where I work,, but it does happen. And if I want to keep my coordinating job in 2022 then at the end of next year I'll have to reinterview for my position and he'll be on the panel. Sigh.

I agree - I'm pretty sure there are different strains of covid. I hope your sister's symptoms stay as they are. Ughhhh I can't believe they classified things as essential when they weren't. Here the only essentials really were health care and grocery stores. Absolutely everything else shut down and remained shut down for months. Yeah nail salons are not a good place to be with covid hanging around in the States. Melbournians were furious with our state premier for taking such, what they called, draconian actions, but it definitely paid off. I would not have wanted to have been him. He got such a lot of backlash.

You're right it's not too late for me to start taking pictures. My daughter refuses to let me take any pictures of her. The only pictures I'm allowed is ones she's taken of herself. Which is very rare that she will share them with me.

Ha! How crazy would this world be if we were conceived on the same night! And hell yeah my manic brain would tell me also that the stars were aligned at the exact moment in time and it was pure destiny that we were able to meet lol. Actually let's just thank psych central and the fact that I jumped on to the check in thread one night and randomly posted about being a teacher. I didn't even remember that post until I saw your post here on the forums with my name on it and I was like woah hahaha.

I haven't seen Handsmaid tales but I've heard a lot about it. I'm on an international blog / forum type thing that I joined when I was pregnant with my son and one of the forums is the Debate Forum and I know a lot of members had a lot to say about that series. I took out a Hulu subscription but that was just to watch Season 3 of Beverly Hills Housewives and then I never used it again. I think it was a free 1 month subscription. The free channels on TV here suck. I'm pretty sure you'd be able to catch Yummy Mummies on Netflix in the States, although I could be wrong about that.

Ha! Yup a pram is a stroller. I'll probably throw in weird words. I DID remember to say 'grocery store' so you'd understand what I mean but here we just call it shops (noun) so "I'm going to the shops to pick up dinner". Didn't know if you'd get the lingo or how you say it over there!

I don't think I'm ready for a new school. I used to LOVE my school but I just wish I never got caught up in this mess. I don't even know how I would get a reference right now. Fortunately there's no box to tick for 'mental health' when they're giving me a reference. And as the saying goes, rather the devil you know than the devil you don't!

I was on seroquel back in 2015 and that was really good for my mania. I haven't tried trazodone, doxipine or lunesta. Haven't heard of them. It really sucks that they put you to sleep but don't keep you asleep. At the height of my mania I was going to bed at 11:00pm and I'd spring up and out of bed around 1:00am and be wide awake. There were a few times where I'd lie there tossing and turning and eventually think stuff it and get up out of bed, have a really strong coffee and watch YouTube videos. It was a bad bad bad habit I got into. It only drove me further into psychosis. I think it might be anxiety keeping you up. When your mind keeps going over things in the middle of the night that will keep you awake.

I hope your husband spoke to you (speaks to you). I haven't really done much today. Went to the mall and bought my son's christmas presents. I'll need to go again this coming week for my other 2.

And on that note my son's just woken up. Oh dear.

Okay chat soon!