ive been bulimic for about 5 years now. its the only thing i have ever had control in my life..ever. i got into this habit once my mom passed away in 2003 from cancer. her cancer wa getting worse and worse and there was nothing anyone could do about it. when i was stressing out i would consume large amounts of food....and to make nyself feel better i would throw it all up. ive had somethings happend in y life that i would rather not talk about. but loosing my mother who has been the only person in my life to show me any type of <font color="red"> </font> <font color="purple"> </font> <font color="#880000"> </font> unconditional love die infront of me did soo much damage to me.im now 19 years old ill be 20 in acouple of months and eveyday since i was 15 i have binge and purged. right now im still at an average weight and height (5'4 135) but my weight never stays the same. my stomach bloats all the time and recently i have been having these really strong sharp chest pains. when i get them it feels like i cant move bc the pain is so bad. my teeth are getting pretty yellow een if i consistently brush them and my throat and my gums bleed pretty bad about every night. the only person who knows anything about this is my sister who has sworn to never say anything. she also is anorexic.i blow most of my money on fast food and desserts. its just that eating is wat makes me happy and its guilt free bc i know how to get rid of it. I alreadt know how to make myslef throw up with even using my fingers to gag myself bc my knuckles would scab up bc they would be rubbing against my teeth. i havent seeked any help and i dont think i want to right now. i would propably feel as if im loosing something that is special to me i know it sounds weird but its how i feel honestly. im just venting right now im new to this site sry if its alittle long..