I know. You are correct. I have been talking to a brick wall for the last month.

I need to figure it out in therapy I suppose - what it is I truly seek and want at this point from him.

I am closer to hiring a lawyer now. I asked my ex to have his lawyer draft the divorce agreement and then I will have my own lawyer read it over and negotiate any points.

I know I will slow down on my drinking as soon as I am coping better. It's an unhealthy coping mechanism I lean on through the tough times... I am well aware of it being unhealthy. I am trying my best.

And yeah, I am sure he is saving my texts for whatever purpose and reason. But his family and friends do not matter to me, if he shares them with them. As long as he doesn't share them with anyone within our shared social circle - that's what matters to me.