Quote:
Originally Posted by Alive99
Yeah, pretty much like that. I was definitely NOT being myself at all.
Yes. I've understood that intellectually a while ago. That this is what was going on. It's just hard to REALLY take it in if that makes sense. I tried this evening and it's like, it felt it was gonna be overwhelming literally my whole body so it's yeah not gonna be easy to go through this (I did back off when I got this perception of it)
I understand all that intellectually on a generic level. It's just really hard to really see what they exactly did even if I described the concrete details or read the texts, skype talks, etc. It only comes to me over time. It's slow like molasses.
If I could just take it in fully or something and see what exactly the manipulation steps were then I would not keep losing my normal sense of reality about all this ??
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Sometimes it just takes time to process everything - and if it takes years, then it takes years. I am still reeling from a former abusive relationship before my marriage whereby I was hurt very very badly. It's taken me three years so far to heal from it and I am still not fully healed. He took a part of me and I haven't gotten it back yet.
I think if you step back from the details and look at the whole picture it will help. To see the person(s) as abusive and manipulative. To know that their actions were harmful to you and that it was not about love, true caring or respect. It was about power and control over you. That's what abusers are about - it's all about having power and control over others. Know that it was not your fault. You did not cause this. You did not deserve it. Be empowered by the fact that you did sever all contact because you knew it was harmful to you. Be glad that you've removed that from your life so that they cannot continue to harm you. You're going to be a stronger person for this experience.