Welcome to psychcentral gene...you've come to a good place in your life!

Hmm since you've been in counseling then you must KNOW the adage, a person who has himself for a doctor....

To me, you sound quite anxious. I question your use of "fantisize"(that she will hurt you..). freudian slip? You should think that one over.

DocJohn has links here for online counseling, have you tried that? It's on the home page. The APA has referrals also. Please follow (your own guidelines?) and have a complete physical first, to verify it isn't medical. Your MD can also refer you to a psychologist.

Everyone who is actively counseling needs to have a colleague for consult. I am curious as to why you don't already, but perhaps you are too new to the profession to have obtained one yet?

Again, welcome.