Quote:
Originally Posted by coronalight
Hi Kit,
Thank you for sharing your personal experience, I understand now that most likely we are not going to see right away an improvement in my daughter's overall motivation etc.
You mentioned that school work provides structure and routine to the day. My question is how do I help my daughter get back in any routine? My daughter sleeps a lot one day and at all the next day, does not get out of the house but joins us for dinner, movies etc. She also had a hard time completing a school assignment this week. and this is unusual for her. Since she is sleep deprived, should we wake her up or let her sleep?
We are trying to understand how much we should rely on the therapist in this regard: will the therapist give her advice on how to get back into a sleep/study routine and follow up on the progress my daughter is making on that front? If the common wisdom is that the therapist is not concerned with this aspect of the problem and my daughter is in charge of maintaining a healthy schedule, then we will discuss this at home. Right now, since she just got home, we are walking on eggshells around her and try to show as much support as possible. Unfortunately the therapy sessions paused for the holidays so I feel like we cannot do nothing for the next three weeks.
Most likely having a relatively normal sleep schedule and some healthy routine does not solve the original problem but I am afraid that a lack of both sleep schedule and daily routine might make matters worse.
Thank you again.
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In my opinion and with my experience with my own mental illness having a routine has been very helpful in getting me and keeping me stable.
I suggest making a routine with your daughter's help. I understand that she is so depressed that she cannot get out of bed. This is very real and do not discount it. In which case, a gap year is probably a good idea. If that is the case her schedule will need to be really simple so she can follow it.
But let's say you have a routine where she will go to bed by midnight and get up by 12 PM (That's 12 hours sleep). From 12 to 2 she does hygiene, eat, shower, wake up, whatever. From 2 to 6 she does school work. With breaks built in. From 6 to 8 family time. From 8 to 12 AM personal time. You know, something like that. But you need to get her to BUY IN. You should probably not be like, this is the law and this is how it is going to be. She needs to have a say in what will work for her.
If that type of schedule is too complex for your daughter right now then do a list kind where each day she will get a shower. She will do 2-2 hour segments of homework. She will eat one meal with the family. Etc. And check off the list.
Your daughter's therapist may or may not be addressing this in therapy. It depends what your daughter is bringing up. If your daughter does not seem to think it is a problem then the therapist will not view it as a problem. If you daughter does not think sleeping all day is a problem the therapist will not either (likely).
Might be good idea to discuss with your daughter what her priorities are right now. If it is not school and it is her mental health then just get the term finished, talk to the school, get a leave of absence and consider time off. If you are using student loans, this may trigger you to have to start paying on them which is a consideration.
But your daughter needs to set the priorities. Because she knows what she is capable of right now.
For example my schedule:
4 AM to 7 AM: wake up, hygiene, play with pets, personal time, commute.
7 AM to 3:30 PM: Work M-F
3:30PM-5PM: Personal time (which I can use to nap, watch TV, shop, bank, whatever)
5PM -6PM: Dinner with parents, Bible Study with Parents
6PM-7PM: TV
7PM-4AM: Sleep
My schedule Saturday Sunday
5AM-9AM: Wake up, hygiene, play with pets, personal time
9 AM-11 AM: Church/Bible Studies, Worship etc
11 AM-12PM every other Saturday Therapy
11 AM-4PM: Personal time, napping, laundry, shopping, errands, etc
4PM-6PM: Dinner with parents, Bible Study
6PM-7PM: TV
7PM-5AM: Sleep
But this schedule is "bought into" by me. Like my parents couldn't dictate it. They do make recommendations that I have dinner with them. That I do worship. Etc. And I follow them. And work dictates 8 hours of my life M-F (although as you can see I'm at work and on the internet. I'm lucky enough to have a job with some down time in it).
Feel free to PM me anytime. Kit